For those of you who missed the update, my boyfriend proposed at the start of August. It was a complete surprise, but a very pleasant one. It only occurred to me some hours later that actually, after an engagement comes a wedding. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.
Some girls have dreams of their big day, and have been planning it since they were tiny; I am not one of those girls. I have actually very little idea about weddings. I’ve only been to a handful myself.
I was quite pleased with my new engagement, in my usual understated way… until the bombardment began. Firstly, our families wanted to know details. There were none. That was a little deflating for everybody involved. Secondly, it turns out that EVERYONE has an opinion and feels it necessary to voice it. Not just family. Friends too. Acquaintances. The next door neighbour. Not that this is necessarily bad, but people were asking me things about things I didn’t even realise I was meant to be thinking about. I didn’t know there were so many things to consider. I didn’t know such things were as pressing as they seemed to be, either.
It was all very stressful.
The other thing that I found stressful, is that whilst I’m really good at organising and planning (I’ve also organised events and festivals in the past, and consider it one of my talents), with this I didn’t know where to begin. Normally I’d just logically look at the situation, and the options, but logic doesn’t work. I suppose because our wedding isn’t about logic, it’s about what we want, not about how to please the highest number of people in the best possible way with as little compromise as possible.
I would have thought wanting a simple wedding would be easy, too. But it seems that the simplest (read ‘least hassle’) weddings are probably the ones you throw ridiculous amounts of money at, and we’re not doing that. It’s also not simple if one of you is from the UK and the other is from Australia. Ideally I would like to get married in the UK but immigration restrictions make it more complicated, lengthen the amount of time we’d need, plus it’s not going to be super easy organising things with only a laptop from the other side of the world. It also turns out that whilst we both want something simple, we have different ideas of what simple means to us. I’d ruled out a lot of stuff I deemed unnecessary. I’ve never been a bridesmaid (I’m sure I haven’t missed out) and I can’t really see the point. I thought I was happy to not have a dress, and not have flowers, and not have many guests, and not have many people at the ceremony, and not do much afterwards…but I found that by the time I’d cut all of that out, it didn’t feel like it was going to be much fun anymore.
So then I dipped my toe back into the pool of possibilities, but my boyfriend seems surprised by this, and I feel totally confused about the whole thing.
I want a simple wedding. I want to keep it as sustainable as possible. I don’t want unnecessary expense or extravagance – it’s jut not my style. But I don’t want to get married in a registry office with just my mum, dad, brother and sister as witnesses/guests either. I like the idea of it being fun. Because my boyfriend seems so surprised by that, I feel bad for wanting more than that. If I believe in this voluntary simplicity lifestyle, am I contradicting myself? None of that stuff is necessary of course. I feel totally conflicted between what I believe, what I need and what I want. I just think it would be nice to mark the occasion in a way that’s a little less than mundane. Arghh!
I’m starting to understand why people remain engaged for years.
PS I promise that I won’t be clogging up the blog with endless wedding-related posts. But as I’ve spent the last week traumatised by the whole experience and it has dominated my thoughts a little, I thought I’d air it all. Now I’m going to put it to the back of my mind and focus on all the more pressing things that I need to get done, until its had time to properly sink in.